Imhotep Beauty Wraps

Grab Yourself Some Death

Wrap yourself in the same cursed death shrouds worn by unlucky evil for time immemorial!

We now have in stock the death shrouds of the infamous Egyptian priest who had his tongue cut out and was embalmed alive to accompany his king to the netherworld. You got it: Imhotep! He came back, and he just keeps coming back! Now you can too…! Amaze your friends and make a fashion statement! Come back from the dead in the worst way possible! The biggest Hollywood celebrities do it ALL the time!

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Be The First On Your Block

—Or at least the first at Little League Practice!

—Or the first in your book club!

—Or the first in your office!

Just Be The First. That’s what really matters! Contact us and we’ll reward you with unendurable suffering that you can force on everyone around you! So if you actually do manage to contact us, well, you may have it coming. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Side effects may include becoming a walking dead mummy, mumbling wordless imprecations, falling into preserving bogs, smelling odd, being chased by torch bearing villagers, never truly finding eternal rest, smelling odd, stiffness in the joints, lack of internal organs, tendency to go up in flames, smelling odd, and clumsy shuffling.

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